Amy and I were sitting in an airport waiting for a flight. I said, “I should have been a pilot.” Amy asked me why. Really, it was just something to say; I was briefly imagining my alternate life in which I was an airline pilot. Instead of explaining the details of the fantasy (get to fly around the world, chicks dig on you, etc.) I said: “So I could fly far away from you.” See, it was funny to say because I didn’t mean it, and because this is so obviously a terrible thing to say to anyone, let alone your girlfriend. Oh, we had a good laugh.
Amy suggested that there could be an entire children’s book based on this premise:
- I wish I were an astronaut… so that I could escape to another planet
- I wish I were a deep sea diver… so that I could go to the bottom of the ocean and be alone
- I wish I worked at night… so that I’d never see you
- I wish I were an explorer in foreign lands… so that we’d lose contact
- I wish I were a time traveler… so I could travel to before you were born… or after you died
Try this with your loved ones, the next time you’re feeling grumpy, or simply want to make an impression.
Stupid Idea 
I remember making essentially the same joke when I was five, and my brother was one, or at some stage pre-language. I knew that the worst thing one person could say to another was “you’re a bad person,” so I would get in his face and say it, hoping for a rise from my mother. I can’t remember whether I got one, but I do recall how pleased I was with my cleverness and how I felt simultaneously really guilty about the possibility that he would understand me and, of course, not get the joke. I think he just smiled and laughed at the attention.
I hope.
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I remember making essentially the same joke when I was five, and my brother was one, or at some stage pre-language. I knew that the worst thing one person could say to another was “you’re a bad person,” so I would get in his face and say it, hoping for a rise from my mother. I can’t remember whether I got one, but I do recall how pleased I was with my cleverness and how I felt simultaneously really guilty about the possibility that he would understand me and, of course, not get the joke. I think he just smiled and laughed at the attention.
I hope.
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